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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé Joke of the Day ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

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So here I thought id start something new just to bring a bit of happiness and smiles back to OZZYGAMING

I be updating this daily and doing a post on the discord if you miss it.


A Smile

A Laugh

Can help the dark time fade away.

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 30/01/2021

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 31/01/2021

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane.

The pilot shouts back, "We need to lose some weight or we'll crash!"

So the Irishman throws out some beer and saying, "We got enough of that in our country."

The Indian man throws out some curry and says, "We got enough off that in our country."

The Scottish man throws some bagpipes off and says, "We got enough of that in our country."

Then the British man picks up the Indian man and chucks him off the plane saying, "We got enough off them that in our country."

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 1/02/2021

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert.

They found a lamp and rubbed it.

A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.

The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.

The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 2/02/2021

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV.

A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week.

So the guy, thinking what the hell.

Still he signs up.

Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads,

"If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.

After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week.

The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.

Excited about this success,

He decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan.

Still he signs up.

The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

Edited by Smokey
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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 3/02/2021

Late one night a burglar broke into a house and while he was sneaking around he heard a voice say,

"Jes├║s is watching you."

He looked around and saw nothing. He kept on creeping and again heard,

"Jes├║s is watching you."

In a dark corner, he saw a cage with a parrot inside. The burglar asked the parrot, "Was it you who said Jes├║s is watching me" The parrot replied, "Yes."

Relieved, the burglar asked, "What is your name?" The parrot said, "Clarence."

The burglar said, That's a stupid name for a parrot.

What idiot named you Clarence?

The parrot answered, "The same idiot that named the rottweiler Jes├║s."

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 4/02/2021

A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night.

Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled.

Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done."

The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish.

The man and woman immediately jump behind the bushes and screaming sounds and laughter can be heard from their activities.

12 minutes later they return to the front of the bush again claiming they are finished.

"Well now, that was kinda quick!" the genie says.

"You can do it a second time for the remaining 3 minutes if you want," the genie tells them, winking his eye. Both the female and male look at each other and smile.

The man says to the woman, "Okay great, but this time you get to hold the pigeon so I can shit on him!"

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 5/02/2021

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.

They have just lost their bull.

The women need to buy another, but only have $500.

The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.

If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499.

Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word.

She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.

Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies,

"She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull."

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­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé JOKE OF THE DAY ­ƒÿé­ƒÿé­ƒÿé

Date 10/02/2021

The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?"

The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes."

The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?"

The rich man says,

"Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The poor man nods.

Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?"

The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?"

The poor man astutely reponds,

"This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go f*ck herself."

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